I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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