You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
