He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
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This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize