Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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