he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
