Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize