Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
