I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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