i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
