it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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