I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Everything about him screamed your future.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
