he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
