I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
