Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
