porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My cat gives me a boner
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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