Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
