Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
