Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
