there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
