i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
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I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize