he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
