i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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