After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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