After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
