I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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