if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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