I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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