my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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