I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
