it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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