I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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