is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
