SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
