it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
