yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
