either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
