I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
