I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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