I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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