Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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