I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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