I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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