smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
