He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
