Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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