there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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