I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
