like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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