That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Don't make out with my wife yet
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
