R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
