this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
