I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
