I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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