I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's the barista slut.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
