anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
