so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize