Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
