awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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