Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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