i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
