The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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