how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
