Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
