I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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